When I was pregnant with Hazelle, I was in amazement of the whole process. The most fascinating of it was her connection with her dad. In utero, I would poke and prod her to move to no avail. But the minute my husband's hand touched my stomach she would kick it. It was uncanny. When she was born, she was wailing and he leaned down and said, "Hi Hazelle". The baby stopped crying, opened her eyes and searched for him, like she recognized him. This child hadn't been an hour old. And he was the only one who could calm her in those harrowing first few months. It left me feeling left out and like an awful mom, until I had Isla.
She was just the opposite. All those things that Hazelle did for Ben, Isla did for me. I swear I could think about wanting her to move and she would. I felt so incredibly connected to her from the beginning. When she was born, it was like I had always known her and her being in this world filled a piece I didn't know had been missing. Not to sound like a cliche but it was the truth. And I know she felt the same about me. It's no surprise that Hazelle is a daddy's girl and Isla a momma's girl, but we all change up every once in awhile so no one feels left out. Life is good.
So now... number three is cooking and Ben and I have been stupified by her. She responds to neither one of us like the other two. We're left to guess about her intentions. We do know she is one ferocious kicker and does not like when I change positions for any reason. She's also plotting her escape route. I'm pretty sure she's already drawn a map and is waiting for all her provisions to be in place before executing her escape. She will rise to power quickly and be a mighty dictator, that is just my prediction.
Tonight though, some other things clicked for me. Hazelle hopped on my shrinking lap and put her hand on my belly. She said, "Momma, I want to feel the baby kick". And as if on cue, that little baby gave me a whopper on the other side of my stomach that Haze could feel 10" away. She smiled and said, "She kicked me!" Yes, yes she did Haze, just like you asked her to, without waiting. Then several other occurrences came to mind. Like last week when Hazelle laid her head on my stomach and said, "Wouldn't it be funny if the baby kicked me in the face?" And that little kid inside me walloped her right on the cheek hard enough for Haze's head to bounce. Hazelle thought that was the funniest thing ever. She said, "Heeeey, she just kicked me in the face!" and laughed hysterically. I could go on, but the gist is, when big sis shows an interest, the baby responds in full effect. Never to ever be outdone, Isla routinely sings her version of the 'ABC's' to the baby via built in microphone (a.k.a. my bellybutton, apparently that's the only way to officially communicate with the baby, just talking aloud will not do). And although G-3 does not retaliate like she does with Haze, I can feel the baby moving, like happy, like dancing. Seriously... I'm not on crack, I'm pregnant, and that would be frowned upon.
So... now I'm getting it. Big sisters are it. They are going to be 'it' for this child. I think that is just the coolest thing in the world right now. And that kind of bond is what makes it all worthwhile.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A Hot Mess
Today is June 24. June 21st, last Monday, was of course the first day of summer (my ass!). I actually heard we were headed for a cool-down on today. It will be a measley 89 degrees outside. Geez, and they call that summer! Please....
Keep in mind I'm queen cranky-pants at this moment. Ben has been put on notice that at least one of us has to be on speaking terms with the world, and I have a 'no pants fit me anymore' excuse as to why I will not be that person. I knew this would be rough, after all I am a seasoned mom of two and have been through final trimesters before.... just not in the dead heat of summer..
I remember a few months back I was talking with a mom whose daughter was born right around my due date in 2009. I looked to her for guidance on how she made it through. She said with a brightly lit smile, "Oh, it was actually a really cool summer, it was so nice and pleasant." And then I punched her in the face. No, no I didn't, really. I thought about it... but then I realized I might have to do an outside work detail for probation and decided I liked the air conditioning inside better than anyone smiling about giving birth in August.
I promise you 4 readers that at some point I will try to be cheery between now and November. I say November because if you've ever had a newborn you don't even count the first 8 weeks they are around. There's a strange vortex there that you get sucked into and one day (when they start sleeping longer than 3 hours at a time) it spits you out, back to the real world with days and nights. I call it "The Awful 3 Months: The Last Month of Pregnancy and First Two with a Newborn". It doesn't sound like much, but I plan on writing a book about it someday. Except now I'm going to add an asterisk next to the title and put in small letters at the bottom. *Please extend this to 6 months if you plan on having an 'end of summer' baby. And good luck with that. And don' t punch anyone in the face who said it wasn't bad, they must have forgotten already.
Keep in mind I'm queen cranky-pants at this moment. Ben has been put on notice that at least one of us has to be on speaking terms with the world, and I have a 'no pants fit me anymore' excuse as to why I will not be that person. I knew this would be rough, after all I am a seasoned mom of two and have been through final trimesters before.... just not in the dead heat of summer..
I remember a few months back I was talking with a mom whose daughter was born right around my due date in 2009. I looked to her for guidance on how she made it through. She said with a brightly lit smile, "Oh, it was actually a really cool summer, it was so nice and pleasant." And then I punched her in the face. No, no I didn't, really. I thought about it... but then I realized I might have to do an outside work detail for probation and decided I liked the air conditioning inside better than anyone smiling about giving birth in August.
I promise you 4 readers that at some point I will try to be cheery between now and November. I say November because if you've ever had a newborn you don't even count the first 8 weeks they are around. There's a strange vortex there that you get sucked into and one day (when they start sleeping longer than 3 hours at a time) it spits you out, back to the real world with days and nights. I call it "The Awful 3 Months: The Last Month of Pregnancy and First Two with a Newborn". It doesn't sound like much, but I plan on writing a book about it someday. Except now I'm going to add an asterisk next to the title and put in small letters at the bottom. *Please extend this to 6 months if you plan on having an 'end of summer' baby. And good luck with that. And don' t punch anyone in the face who said it wasn't bad, they must have forgotten already.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
June 1: Time for Summer
Seriously. June 1st. Wow.
Well, nothing new to report except where the heck did the last 5 months go? I'm still stuck back in December for some reason. It's strange though because I feel a sense that we are moving on, starting anew. The last few months have been focused on getting the house ready to sell, having it on the market, Hazelle in school, getting through this pregnancy, etc. Now it seems like those phases are ending and it's time for summer! (don't take the exclamation point as an indication that I'm all that excited about it, air conditioning is my BFF).
Today was the last day for our house on the market. We set this deadline for ourselves and said 'whatever will be, will be'. 'It be' that it didn't sell. And you know what? That's alright. It really was quite a learning experience. We'll know so much more for the next time. Plus it gave us so much hope & confidence that we could actually do it with two small tornadoes in the house. I think next time we'll be able to do it with three. Maybe. We had an eleventh hour showing yesterday and are waiting on feedback*. We don't expect anything to happen, but in either case, this phase will be over. Amen to not having to clean like that again for awhile!
Hazelle finished up her first year of preschool. I think it was as much of a learning experience for me as it was for her. It doesn't seem like it would make that much of an impact, but it did. We both grew up a little. It helped me settle into the role of a stay-at-home mom this past year and confirmed that trying to do this while working would have put me in a bad, bad place. At least I feel now I'm making an earnest effort to be a mom and be involved in her life. It's different than I thought and am growing more accustomed to it every day. The coolest thing is watching her open her eyes to the world. She truly is her own person. I sometimes look at her and wonder where she came from, forgetting the four years of child-rearing, it sometimes seems like we're meeting her for the first time. So goes one of the many new things you learn from your kids.
And finally, last Friday marked week number 27 in this pregnancy, which also means the beginning of the final trimester. Or better known as the beginning of the end. I received my first canisters of free formula in the mail today and find myself grunting to get up. Yes, we have reached the time when we focus on preparing for this new little girl (for those of you who didn't know, we are indeed having our third girl). She makes her presence known and I fear will be quite the dictator. She kicks to her sister's voices and makes it known when I have moved in a position she does not favor. I have a feeling she will hold her own... and probably drive me to drink.
All in all, June 1 is signaling not only the start of what is sure to be a very uncomfortably warm summer, but also one of new beginnings. For the first time in a very long time I can use the words 'optimistic', 'happy' and 'hopeful'. It feels good to let go of (most of) the anxiety and feelings of self-doubt that goes along with selling a house, being a stay-at-home mom & expecting another child. The last year has kind of proved that we, as a family, can do it... 'It' being life. I'm truly hoping some of these good feelings are permeating your life as well. I think we all could use a little sunshine.
*Feedback was good, we are#3 on their short list and delighted us by saying the words 'beautiful' & 'great space'. Also used the term 'surprised that they actually liked it'. It's still off, but who knows... maybe a meteor will hit the other two houses for sale and they will come back to ours :) Although, we're not holding our breath.
Well, nothing new to report except where the heck did the last 5 months go? I'm still stuck back in December for some reason. It's strange though because I feel a sense that we are moving on, starting anew. The last few months have been focused on getting the house ready to sell, having it on the market, Hazelle in school, getting through this pregnancy, etc. Now it seems like those phases are ending and it's time for summer! (don't take the exclamation point as an indication that I'm all that excited about it, air conditioning is my BFF).
Today was the last day for our house on the market. We set this deadline for ourselves and said 'whatever will be, will be'. 'It be' that it didn't sell. And you know what? That's alright. It really was quite a learning experience. We'll know so much more for the next time. Plus it gave us so much hope & confidence that we could actually do it with two small tornadoes in the house. I think next time we'll be able to do it with three. Maybe. We had an eleventh hour showing yesterday and are waiting on feedback*. We don't expect anything to happen, but in either case, this phase will be over. Amen to not having to clean like that again for awhile!
Hazelle finished up her first year of preschool. I think it was as much of a learning experience for me as it was for her. It doesn't seem like it would make that much of an impact, but it did. We both grew up a little. It helped me settle into the role of a stay-at-home mom this past year and confirmed that trying to do this while working would have put me in a bad, bad place. At least I feel now I'm making an earnest effort to be a mom and be involved in her life. It's different than I thought and am growing more accustomed to it every day. The coolest thing is watching her open her eyes to the world. She truly is her own person. I sometimes look at her and wonder where she came from, forgetting the four years of child-rearing, it sometimes seems like we're meeting her for the first time. So goes one of the many new things you learn from your kids.
And finally, last Friday marked week number 27 in this pregnancy, which also means the beginning of the final trimester. Or better known as the beginning of the end. I received my first canisters of free formula in the mail today and find myself grunting to get up. Yes, we have reached the time when we focus on preparing for this new little girl (for those of you who didn't know, we are indeed having our third girl). She makes her presence known and I fear will be quite the dictator. She kicks to her sister's voices and makes it known when I have moved in a position she does not favor. I have a feeling she will hold her own... and probably drive me to drink.
All in all, June 1 is signaling not only the start of what is sure to be a very uncomfortably warm summer, but also one of new beginnings. For the first time in a very long time I can use the words 'optimistic', 'happy' and 'hopeful'. It feels good to let go of (most of) the anxiety and feelings of self-doubt that goes along with selling a house, being a stay-at-home mom & expecting another child. The last year has kind of proved that we, as a family, can do it... 'It' being life. I'm truly hoping some of these good feelings are permeating your life as well. I think we all could use a little sunshine.
*Feedback was good, we are#3 on their short list and delighted us by saying the words 'beautiful' & 'great space'. Also used the term 'surprised that they actually liked it'. It's still off, but who knows... maybe a meteor will hit the other two houses for sale and they will come back to ours :) Although, we're not holding our breath.
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