Super Sunday Bikini Contest

Last December while talking to a friend of mine, she mentioned that existing home owners could get $6500 if they sold an existing and bought a new home. That little chunk of money dangled like a carrot in front of my husband and I. Shortly before I found out I was pregnant again, we decided to go for it and put it on the market. VERY loving family has been helping us ever since to get this thing ready to show. No small feat, just ask my mom who has been telling me how much our house has needed cleaned for the last 6 years.

After 3 months, 3 snowstorms, 3 trips to donate crap (including 3 contractor grade garbage bags of my clothes from 10 years ago) and a very uneventful first trimester we did it! I have never been to therapy, but I think achieving this has been damn near an epiphany.

On Facebook I described selling our house as feeling like you're "standing outside in a bathing suit." Now this might seem a little strange, but you have no idea how much anxiety it gives me to put on a bathing suit, let alone go out in public. In fact, I took my kids swimming last year at the YMCA twice. A near miracle considering I hadn't been in a bathing suit since spring break 1997. Seriously. 1997... and that was a good 65 lbs ago. And I tried to stay drunk the whole time so I didn't have to be aware of the fact that I was actually in a bathing suit.

And so really, that's how I feel about selling this house. It's me. It's all my decisions for the last 6.5 years put in 18 pictures and a brief description. You wonder what people think, but really don't want to know. You know you don't look as good as a lot of other people, but you hope some odd person some how looks past the dimpled ass and varicose veins and thinks, "whoa dude, she's hot. I want to make an offer." (And please let that offer be about within $5,000 of our asking price.)

Last Sunday was "Super Sunday", a superbowl for realtors trying to convince those who don't own homes they should do so NOW. Over 3,000 homes for sale in Cincinnati were open for public viewings, hoping to catch a piece of that tax credit pie. Ours was one of those.

I put on that "Open House" bathing suit and tried to flaunt my ass off (new air freshners, fresh flowers and the cleanest this house has ever been!). But... much prettier girls were shaking their booty and no one wanted the fat chick (and by no one, I mean no one showed up for 2 hours). Oh well, at least I put on the suit. And if you know of anyone who wants the most space efficient 4 bed, 2 bath house this side of 75, please send them my way. It's getting really cold standing out here.