Grace...not.

Last Friday as I filed out the front door to get my water bottle from a car parked on the street, I was waved to by a very nice Rumpke man getting our recycling and from my neighbor across the street. I looked up, smiled, shot my hand up to wave back at both of them and then promptly fell down the front steps. The poor Rumpke man looked in horror and yelled from his truck, "Are you okay?" I shouted back, "Yes, but apparently I can't walk and wave at the same time."

As I got up, I noticed a bloodied knee on one side and a throbbing foot on the other. This wouldn't be so bad if I weren't pregnant and hadn't severely fallen down the steps INSIDE my home back in January, injuring my tailbone. So now I have sciatic pain from the baby, an inch thick scab preventing my right knee from bending, pulled ligaments in my left foot and a tailbone injury that pops up at the least opportune times rendering me to beg for assistance. To say I look like a weeble wobble who had been partially run over by a mini-van would be an understatement. Yes, people. Me and stairs have an issue.

These incidents unfortunately weren't the first. I thought about all the times I had fallen down steps during the last 15 years. I'm remembering these in no certain order... well maybe in terms of pain it caused.

• There was the time I was carrying Christmas presents when I was a college student on Ravine Street and destroyed half the presents I had just meticulously wrapped.
• The first day of classes at UC I walked out of Dubois bookstore and fell down the one step on to sidewalk, saved by my face, but not saving face.
• There was that time on Christmas Eve as we were secretly placing gifts under the tree and I slipped on the wood steps at my in-laws and literally shook the whole house when I landed, waking up my neice and nephew and destroying their visions of sugar plums and Santa Claus.
• I once slid down the steps while holding my newborn daughter, stopping just short of the wall and scaring the bejeesus out of both of us.
• And finally (the only one I was fully intoxicated for) at OU when my roommate, our guy friend and I stumbled home from the bar to the concrete steps in front of our dorm and we fell BACKWARD... from the top. We woke up with a black eye, a gash on our head and most likely a concussion, although I don't remember who had what injury. Hmm, I must have had the concussion.

Aaah, good times.

My husband has been present for most of these elegant displays, or at least in the general vicinity. We are blaming one of two things. 1. I grew up in a ranch house. Steps were never part of my physical space and therefore I never developed the 'coordination' for navigating them. 2. The good Lord blessed me with loose hip ligaments, a slight pigeon toe and gigantic boobs. Walking on an even surface is fine, but you throw those elements in with something that involves balance and coordination and you have the perfect scenerio for an 'America's Funniest Home Video'. If only one had been present last Friday I might be on my way to $10,000 and the source of America's laughter. If only I had been so lucky! Here's to lack of grace. May it one day be followed by a video camera, huge payday and no more injuries!